Free small sub with purchase of regular drink and chips at Quizno's
5 Secrets to a Perfect Relationship
Tired of working with clowns? Unless you are employed by the circus, your answer would be "Of course, I am. What kind of dumb ass question is that?"
What if I told you that there can be some relief to your situation? "I am intrigued. Keep going."
What if there was a way to tell that idiot they are a clown without them knowing it was you? "An anonymous email? A flaming bag of dog crap in their cube?"
No. Simply place a clown doll on their keyboard after work. When they come in the next day, they will be confronted by what they truly are. "What if they say, 'How cute, a clown' and smile?"
Even if they do appear calm and collected on the outside, inside they are trembling in Gacy induced fear. You may even induce a breakdown right there on the spot. Your moronic coworker babbling insanely with some recovered memory of a childhood birthday party gone horribly wrong. If nothing else, they will have to think to themselves, "Who would give me a clown and why?" This alone will be enough to keep the hamster in their skull turning at double time for the rest of the day.
"Ok, I am willing to try this out. However, I work with a lot of clowns. Where can I get that many?"
I am glad you asked. What if I told you that you could get a bag of 41 clowns and help a worthy cause at the same time? "Please tell me!"
Bag o' Clowns
Yes, I know I have been pimping shopgoodwill.com alot lately. They are a great organization. I have bought stuff from this site and wish you would as well. They also provide a wealth of material. Where else can you buy a bag of clowns?
All the links in the world
Well, I guess I can stop doing this now. Grow A Brain has found all of the links and have them displayed in categorical glory on their fabulous site. Who would have thought a bunch of real estate agents in my backyard would have such twisted senses of humor?
All kidding aside, they posted a link on their eclectic americana page to the group milking action I had up last week and gave me credit for it. Thanks, folks.
When you need an anvil, think ACME
The Illustrated Catalog Of ACME Products
One of those days
Wife elicits touch
DHTML Crossword Project
This week at the Goodwill
Irma Harding Approved Cartons For Fresh Frozen Foods
Vampires are aggressive, violent entities whose bloodlust drives them to kill
Occasionally, it became necessary to capture vampires for research and study. Capture operations were always done in the daylight and typically began by flushing the vampires from their base with tear gas. Once in the daylight, the disoriented vampires were surrounded and restrained with long-handled snares similar to those used by dogcatchers. Armed Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency staff stood by in case of escape.
Hot, young and live on cam!
If you are into something a little more hardcore, you may want to check out the group milking action.
Simpsons did it
For nearly 40 years, the Big Texan Steak Ranch in Amarillo, TX has offered a free 72 ounce steak. The catch is that you have to eat the whole thing with side dishes in under 60 minutes.
Read about Angela, who took the challenge recently. Are her eyes bigger than her stomach?
Of course, this is kinda wimpy compared to the 16 pound steak Tony Randall ate on the Simpsons.
Out, Damn'd Synergy!
Bullfighter: Stripping the bull out of business
A great addon to Word and Powerpoint that will check your document for bs jargon and readability. Now, if we can only convince Blogger to install this as well...
Thanks, Ed for another wonderful link.
According to the Enzyte commercials on TV, 'suffragium asotas' will make your wife very very happy.
What, you may ask, does 'suffragium asotas' mean? According to a great article at askthecouch.com, absolutely nothing.
WWII 1945 War Bonds Poster
This auction is for a 1945 WWII war bonds poster. The poster measures 28 � inches by 20 � inches. The poster is marked Official U.S. Treasury Poster WFD 99, as well as, U.S. Government Printing Office: 1945-0-635063. A � inch border was folded back on the poster so it would fit in its frame. The paper backing of the frame is missing, but can easily be replaced. The poster appears to be in fair condition.
Furby Stress Testing
What the hell is wrong with people? Part 28
HazMat teams pick up urine jars along roads
The roads, it would seem, teem with motorists who lack the time or inclination to pull over at a rest stop and empty their bulging bladders.
Instead, they urinate into a bottle, or jar or whatever else comes to hand, and heave the container out the window for some California Department of Transportation worker to pick up.
But urine is considered medical waste, so Caltrans is hesitant to touch it.
Sometimes, the agency calls in a hazardous materials team. That costs between $400 and $8,000 a trip; the cost varies with the location and amount of urine to be cleaned up. The average cost is $2,500, state officials said, although they could not provide the total annual cost.
In California, there is a $1,000 fine for littering. Maybe CalTrans can note where they find up to "300 in a single run." and tell the CHP. I think paying that fine will stop this pretty quick.
Most folks caught littering get busted due to cigarette butts or fast food containers and would get sympathy for paying a grand. But no one is going to say "Dude, all you did was throw a bottle full of piss out your car window, that's totally bogus that they fined you!"
Need help pooping?
Oldie but Goodie
Carthedral is a 1971 Cadillac hearse modified with 1959 Cadillac tailfins. Welded on top is a VW beetle and metal armatures with fiber glass. Carthedral is a rolling Gothic Cathedral complete with flying buttresses, stained glass pointed windows, and gargoyles. Carthedral was designed and built by Rebecca Caldwell.
Tombstones of the rich and famous
Beneath Los Angeles
Basic Hip Digital Oddio
The Album of the week is the soundtrack to "On Any Sunday."
You can also listen to classic Sixties commercials.
Add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipes
The Potted Meat Tribute Page.
Learn even more about foods made with meat by-products.
Mr. Show had a great sketch about these two loser basketball scouts who went around the country recruiting 5 year olds for college ball. Of course, it was the complete absurdity of the notion that made it funny.
Who knew it would come true???
See Mark sink
Still in diapers,
and it's nothing but net.
Mark shows why he's
the future of basketball.
(found at presurfer)
You deserve it
After a hard day at work, why not treat yourself to a nice cup of tea and a sit down?
(via bifurcated rivets)
I am sodaboy and I have scored 68,120 points playing Movie Hangman.
Brilliant. Lots of cool pictures like this one. Wish I could afford one.
Grease up your willie
Like this is a surprise
Horse meat found in salami
Next on their list, proving baloney is nothing but assholes and eyeballs.
Fun with Store Clerks
(via idle type)
I knew it
As my 12 readers can attest, I think most studies are bull. Just overpaid slackers in lab coats putting colored water in beakers and writing a paper to justify spending millions of dollars to prove something we already know is true.
A team of scientists at Johns Hopkins University announced Monday that a five-year study examining the link between polyphenols and lower cholesterol rates has found jack shit.
"I can't explain what happened," head researcher Dr. Jeremy Ingels said. "We meticulously followed correct scientific procedure. Our methods were sufficiently rigorous that they should have produced some sort of result. Instead, we found out nothing."
There have been a lot of advances in surgery for the relief of disc problems. Here is a story about the use of a laser to disintegrate the center of a bad disc.
The man getting the surgery had been sidelined for 14 months and was real eager to get back to his job. I can echo that sentiment. As much as I hate working, once I had my procedure, I couldn't wait to return to work.
What is that smell?
A review gives it a 7 of 10 and says it's like the Matrix and 1984. I have seen 1984, and this is no 1984. It goes on to say "You have to be rather patient for the action scenes. There's a brief opening gun battle in the dark at the beginning, then a couple of short gunfights in the middle. Things don't really kick in until the finale. If you're patient enough to sit through the quiet, dramatic, emotional scenes, you may find yourself rewarded."
What the review neglects to say is that the special effects in the battles consists of what appears to be stop motion photography on par with Sinbad fighting the skeleton in The 7th Voyage of Sinbad from 1958. The reward you will find is delivered by the icepick you will shove through your temple in an attempt to make this piece of crap leave your mind. I still cannot reconcile the fact that he kills a whole bunch of people, rescues a puppy (at great personal risk) then kills a whole bunch more people without remorse. I guess the moral of the story is that puppies are cute.
Please, save yourself the time and expense, don't see this movie. Read the synopsis of the film over at The Movie Spoiler. If you still want to see it, then I feel for you.
I am a big fan of good, and sometimes not so good, sci-fi movies and cannot comprehend why anyone likes this thing. What makes this a real shame is that a lot of quality actors are totally wasted. Sean Bean, Emily Watson, Taye Diggs and Christian Bale, who was brilliant in American Psycho.
i don't need holes through my nipples to be cool.
correlation does not translate into causality
"To say my country, right or wrong, is something no patriot would say except in dire emergency; it is like saying, 'my mother, drunk or sober.'" - G.K. Chesterton