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Those Wacky Canadians

Top Ten Reasons to Live In...
1. Weed
2. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges
3. The local hero is a pot-smoking snowboarder
4. The local wine doesn't taste like malt vinegar
5. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is 5 hours from downtown
6. A university with a nude beach
7. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations
8. If a cop pulls you over, just offer them some of your hash
9. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on
10. Cannabis

From the Canadian Global Supremacy page.

In case you missed it

Brian Kane has had a busy week, letting us in on a lot of things:

Just how good is Pie in a Jar?

How Much Wood Could A Woodchuck Chuck?

and, finally, How to swear in 106 languages.

All your space are belong to us

US to deny the use of space for intelligence purposes to any other nation at any time.

(via Z-Blog)

Yes, you have probably seen this before

Remember, you pray with that mouth

It's in the Bible

Always Remember to bring your scythe

Anyone who can kill N*Sync in such a creative way is all right with me.

Flush Redux

I wanted to give special attention to my efforts to get the people of America to flush the toilet after they use it.

I recently listened to a Joe Frank radio program called "On The Edge." His character rails against many modern injustices, including idiots who don't know how to flush a toilet. For those of you who think you can get away without flushing, beware the Sanitation Corps!

For more of my thoughts on this pressing issue, I give you the Flush trilogy:



Flush, dammit!

Would you like a ticket with that?


Dressed as a McDonald�s employee, an undercover officer worked the drive-through window March 21 and April 25 and spotted enough wrongdoing inside customers� cars to warrant six arrests and 29 citations.

According to arrest reports, Officer Glen Eppler did the undercover work � peering into customers� vehicles as they stopped at the window where money is exchanged.

When Eppler saw lawbreakers � from people smoking marijuana in plain view to those who hadn�t strapped their children into safety seats � he would radio officers in patrol units down the street and have the cars pulled over.

(found at drudge report)

Personally, I deny trees my essence

The art of creating a human tree

TWO art students are planning to grow trees containing the genetic identity of human beings. The �humanised� trees would be unaffected, but would carry the biological essence of the donors.

The trees could replace grave stones as a way of preserving the memory of loved ones. If an apple tree was used, it would also provide an edible reminder. Like the rest of the tree, the fruit would contain human DNA.


In Project Grizzly, you will meet Troy James Hurtubise, a self-styled "close-quarter bear researcher," who's obsessed with going face-to-face with Canada's most deadly land mammal, the grizzly bear.

Troy is the creator of what he hopes is a "grizzly-proof" suit of armour -- an extraordinary fusion of high-tech materials and homespun ingenuity -- and of his own hybrid mythology that is part Hollywood, part Canadian shield. His quest takes audiences into a world both compelling and disturbing, full of contradiction, humour and fantastical vision.

Read how it worked out for him and his Mark VI suit in his face to face encounter with a grizzly over at The Annals of Improbable Research. Troy is the winner of the 1998 Ig Nobel Prize in the field of Safety Engineering.

A video of the new Mark VII suit is available for download at Project Troy, your one stop shop for all things Troy.

The Pause that Dissolves

Crazy Uses for Coca-Cola

Clean Tile Grout: By accident, I found the perfect grout cleaner for my tile floors! I spilled a can of Coca Cola on my kitchen floor. When I wiped it up, to my surprise the grout was as white as can be!

You will also read about how Coke can clean engines, uncorrode battery terminals and unclog drains.

Good thing I only drink Diet Coke...


Rubewatch has been kind enough to answer the question I posed about the Jessica Lynch "Oil Painting" auction on ebay on 5/17/2003.

The people who buy this kind of crap are rubes.

By the way, no one bought it the first time, but it has been relisted.

Not that I can recall

Have you ever been caught with weed?


The Artificial Disc looks like an interesting new development. Approved for use in Europe, they are being looked at in the US as an alternative to spinal fusion.

Ministry of Silly Walks

Judge: So, what evidence do you have to hold over the defendant?

Fed: He was walking like an Egyptian.

Judge: Lock him up.

Pentagon anti-terror surveillance system hopes to identify people by the way they walk.

I get the impression that John Poindexter was watching Saturday Night Fever and thought, "You can tell by the way he walks that walk, he's a woman's man--no time to talk." and the rest just took care of itself.

Next on Fox, Tits Gone Wild!

Norway has gotten tired of watching people humiliate themselves on TV, but still crave something without a laugh track.

The aptly named "Piip Show" allows internet audiences to watch everything the birds get up to in their one-room flat, 24 hours a day.

It is not as boring as it might sound - there has been plenty of sex already.

And this week the first eggs arrived.

What is wrong with people?

There is someone on ebay who seems to be making good money selling copies of the "one ring." I can see how an LOTR fanboy would want one of these. I am a Matrix fanboy and just paid $50 for the video game, primarily for the one hour of new footage. I am currently searching for any Joe Nemechek die-cast cars to fulfill by inner hillbilly.

What I don't understand is why anyone in their right mind would be interested in the following:

This is a Limited and numbered Print of a painting from a very renowned artist. I am very proud to Own the original Oil painting and have been given "Special Permission" to share this painting with others. This is a 10" x 16" image on 13" x 19' on canvas.

It's been reported that PFC Jessica Lynch had been shot, stabbed and sustained at least 2 broken bones she reportedly fired her weapon until she ran out of ammo. One Washington official is quoted as saying she was "fighting to the death. She did not want to be taken alive."

Better hurry, there are only three available.

For those of you who haven't heard, this is what appears to be the true story of the Jessica Lynch rescue.

There was no [sign of] shooting, no bullet inside her body, no stab wound - only road traffic accident. They want to distort the picture. I don't know why they think there is some benefit in saying she has a bullet injury.

Two days before the snatch squad arrived, Harith had arranged to deliver Jessica to the Americans in an ambulance.

But as the ambulance, with Private Lynch inside, approached a checkpoint American troops opened fire, forcing it to flee back to the hospital. The Americans had almost killed their prize catch.

This post is adult in nature

From Calories we burn whilst having sex:

On a bar stool....................20 calories
Rear of a Honda Civic......38 calories
In a phone booth
Standing.......................14 calories
lying down...................274 calories
On an airliner
Aisle seat....................24 calories
Middle seat.................42 calories
Window seat...............30 calories
In the lavatory.............100 calories

Now with even more slow motion

I just got back from seeing The Matrix Reloaded and here is my non-spoiler review. If you liked the first one, you will like the second one. If you didn't like the first one, why the hell are you seeing the second one?

So, to sum up. If you liked the The Matrix, do yourself a favor and go see The Matrix Reloaded.

I feel better now

Kurt Vonnegut on Shock and Awe

You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do.


The War in Heaven against Drugs, Supplies and Your Assistance in Confidence is Required.

I have been reading Richard Harter's World for the past couple of days and have only scratched the surface. He calls it "Slum City of the Mind." I would write more, but I am going slumming.

Please Help

Save Burnt Sienna.

Something else to do after you have mastered Klingon

Oregon County Seeks Klingon Interpreter

"There are some cases where we've had mental health patients where this was all they would speak"


The Chronic

Why do we hurt?

This week's Newsweek cover story is about treating pain. Right now, it feels like someone is taking a melon baller to my spine, so reading this helped a bit. Especially the last paragraph,

...patients like Lee Hartford, 48, receive a promising new treatment for intractable spinal-disc pain. In less than an hour, doctors snake a coil around Hartford�s irksome disc and heat it to almost 200 degrees Fahrenheit to strengthen tissue and destroy the nerve fibers shooting pain messages to the brain. The procedure�s long-term benefits are still unknown, but after 15 years of knee-buckling back pain, Hartford is optimistic. Within weeks of the operation, he utters the words that every pain sufferer lives for. �I feel good,� he says.

A Familiar Chord

Why it all sounds the same

Pull out your piano and try this with the lyrics from No Doubt, Blink 182, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and U2, provided below.


What is a Kiffle?
A Kiffle is a Eastern European pastry dough rolled paper thin by hand and filled with assorted fillings.

You can make them with the kiffle recipe.

You can buy them at the Kiffle Kitchen.

The Hungarian Nut Rolls are good, too.

Mom, if you are reading this, please send pastry.

Good Show

Need a Matrix fix before next week? Go to Blockbuster and rent "Dark City."

It came out a year before the Matrix and has about 1/100th of the budget. It touches on a lot of the same points about the nature of reality with a more human touch.

Something to do after you have mastered Klingon

I am not too familiar with how mnemonic devices work, but Phonetic Numerals seems like overkill.

Create your own joke

An ______ and a ______ are taking a piss in the bathroom. The ______ sees the ______ walking out without washing his hands and says to him, "Hey didn't they teach you to wash your hands in the ________?"

The _______, smiles and replies,"No. They taught us not to pee on our hands."

Help Out

Opening bid $5!

All kidding aside, the Goodwill gets a lot of high quality cool stuff donated to it. Stuff that can make it some serious money. I know a lot of you probably would think twice about going to a thrift store. Now you can get a peek at the spiffier junk without the smell of old clothes.

Shop Goodwill is an auction site for some of their more esoteric donations.

Here are a few that look particularly nice:

Greatest Radio Shows of the 20th Century - $14.75 (This is $60 at amazon)

Vintage Playtex Rubber Girdle in Tube - $20

Vintage - MIDGE DOLL - With 3 Wigs - 1962 - Bidding is fast and furious at over $100!

Another BS study

A study has decreed that violent music boosts aggressive thoughts.

During the American Psychological Association's five experiments, conducted by researchers from Iowa State University and the Texas Department of Human Services examined the effects of seven violent songs by seven artists and eight nonviolent songs by seven artists.

After listening, students were given various psychological tasks to measure aggressive thoughts and feelings, including asking the participants to classify words that have both aggressive and nonaggressive meanings, like rock and stick.

Results of the experiments showed that violent songs led to more aggressive interpretations of ambiguously aggressive words and increased the relative speed with which people read aggressive versus nonaggressive words.

This is totally bogus. If you play a nonviolent song by John Denver, there is a very good chance I will show agressive tendencies. And, sometimes, it takes a little Henry Rollins to put me back on track. These people should turn in their lab coats. The only positive thing that came out of this is that 500 college kids got a little more money to buy weed.

Even More Fun

In the same vein as the ACME Labelmaker that I featured last week, most state motor vehicle departments let you personalize your vanity license plates online. Click the plates to try it yourself.

You can create something silly

Silly License Plate

or something you might actually use.

Sciatica License Plate


In a kind of anti-Zen parable, they report that one of their own colleagues stopped to calculate the time he spent tying shoes and buckling belts. He projected this number out through the rest of his presumed life span and, horrified, made a decision to cut back. Henceforth, they say, he has worn only Sansabelt pants and Velcro'd sneakers.

James Gleick has published many excerpts from each chapter of his book, Faster: The Acceleration of Just About Everything, as well as links for each. I am still plowing through them to see if I want to buy it. Seems interesting.


The celebration of May Day has two meanings.

Happy Beltane to my wiccan friends. Have fun jumping the cauldron.

I have no words

'Bling Bling' Added To Oxford English Dictionary

I just wish that I'd trademarked it. -- BG of Cash Money

I have had back surgeries and this site helps to distract me from the pain. When I am finding cool sites and ranting, I feel better.

Would acupuncture help with the symptoms of sciatica or would any other complementary medical solutions be worth considering?

I have found it helpful to do the stretching exercises my physical therapist recommends. Do some core strengthening exercises, such as the ones highlighted at The Mayo Clinic. By keeping your core strong, your back won't put itself in a position to cause that sciatica pain you are having.

This book, Back Pain: What You Need to Know (Johns Hopkins), is very good and inexpensive; regardless of what the review on amazon says.

Good luck and try to stay off the pills (unless you really, really need them!)

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Acid Logic
Art MoCo
Atomic Raygun
David Byrne
Dick Cavett
ironic sans
Mike Daisey
MoCo Loco
My So-called Penis
Penny Arcade
Richard Harter's World
That's Racin
The Cartoonist
The Wisdom of the Illiterati
toothpaste for dinner


i don't need holes through my nipples to be cool.

correlation does not translate into causality

"To say my country, right or wrong, is something no patriot would say except in dire emergency; it is like saying, 'my mother, drunk or sober.'" - G.K. Chesterton

You were sick, but now you're well again, and there's work to do.

I am all hopped up on goofballs. Powered by Blogger Pro!

"... I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... in morse code..."