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I wanted to give special attention to my efforts to get the people of America to flush the toilet after they use it.

I give you the Flush trilogy:



Flush, dammit!

I am looking forward to doing more social crusading in 2003.

Best of 2002 (Part Two)

Everybody Wang Jiaxiong Tonight

How a poster won the war

Anna Kournikova's Underwear

How to get rid of telemarketers with a .wav file

Riot Cop Fashion Review

Where I learn about Homies dolls

Is Chiropractic Evil? You Bet!

Too much pot impairs mental function.

I show you how to buy a leg lamp like the one from Christmas Story

Where I learn how wonderfully demented the Japanese really are (or, the Finger Boys mystery solved)

Best of 2002 (Part One)

True Porn Clerk Stories

Best logo in the World

How to listen to The Simpsons and Seinfeld on the way home from work

No, you're the man!

Movies - Divx (.avi) and .mpg

The Kitty Litter Cake

Harry Potter Vibrator

Minority Report? Hated it!

What freedom means to me

Grant Roberts smoking pot

All my old toys


Don't have the time to take a road trip? Take one on the InterWeb!

Midwest Holiday

Auto travelogue through the sights, monuments and mythologies of America's heartland. A jaded newspaper reporter returns from a long stint in Europe, takes to the highways of the Midwest, and discovers a father-daughter team who help him to realize that his true home lies in mid-America. A fascinating view of Midwestern and Great Plains natural and historical attractions, and a strong statement that mobility equals freedom.

Run Time: 13:43

Watch movie:
Broadband (256k)
Modem (32k)

Download movie:
VCD (136.8 MB)
MPEG2 (362.8 MB)



Stupid Scanner Tricks

Listen to your neighbors and folks at the fast food drive in.

They have our number

Book on Men Caring for Selves Is Blank

"Everything Men Knew About Taking Care of Themselves Before Women Came Along" is the name of the 96-page book. As most women could guess, all of the pages are blank.

The Schweigers � who publish under the pseudonym Dr. Ever E. Mann � came up with the idea when they heard about a similar blank work. The couple surveyed people at shopping malls in Texas, where they lived at the time, to come up with a title for their book.

Take your medicine

I advise against taking medicine when you don't need it, but some of you need it and don't take it as prescribed because it is expensive.

There is help available for the many millions of people who have no insurance and can't afford to purchase their medicines. NeedyMeds is the place to learn about patient assistance programs and other programs designed to help those who can't afford their medicines. NeedyMeds is not a program. It's an information source

Visit needymeds.com if you need assistance paying for your necessary pills.


Nascar wants a Tiger Woods

Great analysis of how NASCAR is trying to expand it's audience. It covers the challenges (lots o' confederate flags at the races) and the opportunities.

There is also a heartbreaking account of the only black man to win a NASCAR race and how he wasn't able to publicly accept his trophy due to fear of a riot.

Wendell Scott beat the field in a 200-mile race in 1963, but as the story goes, NASCAR officials were worried about how the predominantly white crowd in Jacksonville might react to seeing a black man hoist the winner's trophy.

Buck Baker was declared the winner, and only after two hours of review - with the crowd long gone - was a "scoring error" detected and Scott named the official winner.

As a NASCAR fan, I am always looking for good racing. I don't care who does it.

Heck, they are going to be racing Winston Cup in Toyotas soon. I think that is going to rile up more people than a black driver.

How to be a philosopher

Begin by making a spurious distinction. Befuddle the reader with your analytic wizardry. The reader will enter a logical trance, from which she will be unable to recall the initial spurious distinction and will feel strangely compelled to accept your conclusions.

Learn more techniques over at philosophers net.

(link from brainlog)

Numbers don't lie

Average number of people killed per week by a sniper operating in suburban Maryland and Virginia this fall : 3

Average number of homicides per week during the same period in Washington, D.C. : 7

Rank of Israel and Turkey among nations in violation of the largest number of U.N. Security Council resolutions : 1, 2

More numbers that you might not be aware of in this December's Harper's Index

(link found at robot wisdom)

Flush, dammit!


Please pay special attention to the Bathroom Maintenance Poster.

I wish I had the stones to paste this up at work...


Back Sense: A Revolutionary Approach to Halting the Cycle of Chronic Back Pain

Back Sense: A Revolutionary Approach to Halting the Cycle of Chronic Back Pain

This book has a great write up in the New York Times.

Written by a clinical psychologist, a market research consultant with a background in counseling and a rehabilitation specialist, the book combines conventional and alternative approaches to treatment.

At the core of their regimens, however, is the premise that most chronic back pain is caused by stress, fear, muscle tension and inactivity � not, as most sufferers assume, by damaged or weakened spinal structures.

My exercise and diet routine really made me feel better. However, my stress level and muscle tension has been though the roof the past couple of weeks and there are some times I can barely move due to the excruciating pain.

I am going to give this book a shot, for ten bucks and change, it seems to be worth it.

Uh Oh

North Korea threatens to 'destroy world'

Yesterday, the defence secretary, Donald Rumsfeld, dismissed such concerns. "We are capable of fighting two major regional conflicts," he said.

"We're capable of winning decisively in one and swiftly defeating in the case of the other, and let there be no doubt about it."

That should keep those North Koreans on their toes. Which one is for them, the decisiveness or the swiftness? The DPRK will surely fold under such a threat.

Two more things about the lying sack of shit

Chester Lott is a Mason. A 33rd Degree Mason.

The Scottish Rite Creed states that "Human progress is our cause, liberty of thought our supreme wish, freedom of conscience our mission, and the guarantee of equal rights to all people everywhere our ultimate goal."

When are they gonna kick him out? They probably won't.

Now, to help gauge how his own core constituency feel about him, the people at rebelarmy dot com are hopping mad. You type in the link yourself, as it contains a lot of things that might offend. I mean it. A lot of bad things. But this whole controversy is about how Chester supports bad things. It is important to actually see what those bad things are.

Lying Sack of Shit

Lott Blames Himself for Falling into Enemies 'Trap'

This asshole won't even take responsibility for his own actions.

He went to the Strom Thurmond Rally. He said what he believed. He got called on it. He tried to weasel out of it. He recanted. He betrayed everything he and his kind stand for. He did himself in trying to save himself. Nobody did that but him.

"There are some people in Washington who have been trying to nail me for a long time," Lott said. "When you're from Mississippi and you're a conservative and you're a Christian, there are a lot of people that don't like that. I fell into their trap and so I have only myself to blame."

He wouldn't say who those political enemies were.

Chester, how stupid are you? You say stuff that really pisses off all right thinking Americans. You lose an important position. Then you come right out and blame non-christian liberal northerners. I may be jumping to conclusions here, but I am hearing "New York Jews" being blamed for this. I hope to see some controversy from this as well.

Your own people brought you down. Take it like a man, you wuss.

Forgot Someone?

UPDATE 12/22

Gift Baskets that can be delivered by Christmas Eve close enough to Christmas to blame the Post Office. Cover your ass now!


Wine Country Ghirardelli Gift Basket

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You Save: $45.01 (82%)

El Paso Margarita Chica Cocktail Gift Set

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Wine Country Deli Gift Set

List Price: $50.00
Price: $15.99
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Wine Country Mulligan Golf Food Gift Pack

List Price: $55.00
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sides aching from too much laughing


Be sure to buy some "Thought Criminal" merchandise.

This is real, not fiction

I am by no means a big reality tv fan, but I watch it. I have posted previously about being sucked into American Idol. I will admit to watching the Survivor Finale shows. And, God help me, I watched The Bachelor finale last month.

If you have watched these shows, you have probably experienced hatred for some of these folks. You wish that Susan would have just shoved a spear right through Richard. That the spurned woman on The Bachelor had stopped crying and said, "That's it, if I can't have him, no one can." Then we would watch her take a Glock out of her handbag, get out of the limo and leave stud boy laying in a pool of blood and roses.

Wish no more. The ultimate reality series has been made. It's out on video right now. Go to the store and rent Series 7 : The Contenders. You can also rent this at netflix.

Follow the adventures of the winner of Series 5 and 6, Dawn, the eight months pregnant woman with 10 kills. She needs to kill the five opponents in Series 7 to get to keep her baby. This has all of the trappings of the reality shows we are all used to, like the personal interviews, the emotional conflicts and the hype between "episodes."

This film was made in 2000, before the Survivor phenomenon hit, so some of the over-the-top nature of the show is lost because we are seeing these kind of tricks in 2002. There are some manipulations by the "producers" in the movie that foreshadow the cruelty of some of the newer shows, like "Joe Millionaire." In January, Fox will con a bunch of single ladies into thinking some wage earner is worth $50 million. That's entertainment!

If you liked Pulp Fiction and Heathers, you will enjoy this movie.

If you like this movie, you will love "Battle Royale"


The Game Room

I still can't get the discus beyond 20 meters.

(stolen from bifrucated rivets)


"Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power." - Chef

South Park Quotes - [via Eschaton]


Chinese building carved in ice.

Visitors look at a building carved in ice, the highest of its kind exhibited at the 29th Harbin ice lantern art exhibition, in Harbin, capital of northeast China's Heilongjiang Province, Wednesday, Dec. 18, 2002. Divided into 10 parts, the exposition shows 2003 fine ice carving works. (AP Photo/Li Yong, XINHUA)

Some more info on the ice festival.

Best Band Names Ever

Don't you want to hear what distortional waffle would sound like?

What about papal feedbag?

precancerous hippy?

Scary KFC Colonel Corpse

Fun with Store Marquees

You always give me a boner

Would you dip your balls in it?

Relive your favorite episodes of The State.

Sign the petition to get them released on VHS/DVD.

Quotes from the show.

Thanks to Stan Chin for posting the episodes link over at metafilter.

Fly much?

A great forum for frequent flyers

Works of Art

Celebrity Gender Reassignment using PhotoShop over at worth1000. These people are damn good. Check out the Hepburn/Tracy switch.

Been there, done that

Cat and Girl solve a problem.

Not all bad

With all of the bad 419/Nigerian emails sitting in your inbox, I can expect you to be skeptical when I tell you that I found something good on the net from Nigeria.

How to maintain a good posture is a fine article by Adeolu Babatunde. It is a quite comprehensive look at the issues of posture as it related to lying down. Next week, posture in sitting will be discussed.

Kick Ass!

I did not like Minority Report. They really messed up what could have been a great film.

I did like Impostor, however. This is another adaptation of a Philip K. Dick short story. It is also about a falsely accused man on the run. It also takes place in the future. It has public scanners that can id you. It is 95 minutes of nonstop action.

What it does not have is plot holes you can drive a truck through. It does not have people doing insane things and making bad choices just to advance the story.

In short, it is everything Minority Report was supposed to be. Good, solid escapist sci-fi with awesome effects and excellent acting by Gary Sinise. One hell of a movie.

This movie was made way before Minority Report and is just does it so much better. There is one odd link to Speilberg, though. The hospital in Impostor looks just like the hospital set from A.I.

Please, see this movie. Go to BlockBuster right now. If you want, click the netflix link in the sidebar over there and it will be mailed to you right away.

I don't care how you get the movie, just get it and watch it.

No lube

AOL just laid off some employees. They included one of those 1000 free hours CD's in the severance packet. (via Edward Goodwin)

Now, according to one comment on that page, it is in order to set up the free for life AOL account they would be getting. I guess that at least counts as a reach around...


Free Pie Crust

Free Pie


Finally, after nearly five months of wondering, the "finger guys" picture from this site has been expained.

Courtesy of hama7 over at Metafilter:

The finger boys thing is a psychotic take on the, uh, unique practical joke in Japan and Korea where you poke somebody in the butt. People actually do this to other people and think it's funny.

The caption under the boys reads:

"Doing the 'can cho', (being able to point) and others. When this is done from young time, when the anus becomes strong and is difficult to become the hemorrhoids thing is famous even excessively. "

"Kancho" means "enema", and "can cho" sounds like "being able to point", so there's your clever wordplay. You can fill in the blanks on the hemmorrhoid thing. Not all that hilarious, actually, but there you are.

I am so grateful to finally have that one resolved. Those wacky Japanese!

Not in my backyard

Agencies see homeland security role for surveillance drones

My first reaction was horror. The article states that this will only to "help patrol the Mexican and Canadian borders, protect the nation�s major oil and gas pipelines and aid in other homeland security missions." If you live near a sensistive area or just on the same block as someone on a watch list, you could get a friendly government fly by of your house. How far have we gone as a nation to allow such a bold invasion of our privacy. Unthinkable.

Then, I read this:

Another rapper, Kid Chill, is very specific about life in South Central and how it is governed by gangs and the police's attitude to them. He points out: "I didn't know any different as a kid, so it seemed like normal life. There were police helicopters that flew by all night. The police would pull you over in your car, or stop you on the street for no reason and ask you what gang you were in, what's your gang name etc. We were threatened and kicked off of Venice beach for no reason, stopped a couple of times at gunpoint for suspicion of something or another. We were made to stand against the rail at the mall for a long period oftime because we fit the description of some people that did something or other."

This kind of thing has been going on for years. It's just now hitting suburbia.

That's right, homies. We are co-opting yet another thing from the thug life for ourselves. Of course, helicopters are so crude, with their noise and lights. The drones are stylish, with sleek lines and silent as the dead.

They also carry "Hellfire" missiles. That attack demonstrated the Predator unmanned air vehicle's (UAV's) transition from a surveillance drone to a hunter-killer asset.

Don't think it can't happen here.

David Lynch, master of crap

Just saw Mulholland Drive. Piece of crap. No plot, just a laundry list of soap opera cliches and really wooden acting. It did have about 35 seconds of lesbian above the waist sex. That was kinda nice. But between the dwarf, the troll and Ann Miller, I had enough.

Ah, screw it. These guys wrote up a pretty good review.

And I will not be listening to anything the fat man says in the future. Mr. Ebert gave this thing 4 stars and put it on his 10 best list.


Earlier, I posted about a guy who caught himself on fire by smoking and pumping gas. I also posted about the dangers of static electricity while fueling up.

Now, we have the video of a poor bastard who was filling up a gas can when static electricity set him aflame. The video quality is poor, but you can see what is happening. The article goes into more detail.

Damage Control

Damage Control by Audrey Heller. http://www.audreyheller.com

Brilliant. Lots of cool pictures like this one. Wish I could afford one.


GM Concept Cars from the fifties.

I really want that 1958 Firebird III.

You know you want it

Turn yourself into an action figure.

Axl Rose has one!

It was bound to happen

Hans Blix Fan Page

He's so dreamy.

Need help pooping?

Free Metamucil

Free Knowledge

Webster's Encyclopedia 2002 CDROM at no cost.

Pure, Unadulterated Crap

Just finished watching The Sopranos season finale. I didn't like the way the show was written at the beginning of the season, but the last few episodes have been very good. Thus, I was fooled into thinking tonight's episode would be good, possibly great.

I was wrong.

I want my 75 minutes back.

I am going to go to
netflix and rent the first two good seasons.


Religion and Sexual Ethics

They all look alike

Irish rock star Bono, lead singer of U2, makes a point to a crowd on Chicago's South Side where he talked about the AIDS (news - web sites) epidemic in Africa and forgiving third-world debt, Wednesday, Dec. 4, 2002. The stop was one of several of his seven-day bus tour through seven Midwestern states to raise awareness of the epidemic in Africa. Bono is joined by actress Ashely Judd, left, and comedian Chris Rock (news), right. (AP Photo/Charles Bennett)

I don't think that is Chris Rock. Chris Tucker, perhaps?

This pic and article has been on Yahoo since the 4th. I have been waiting for a correction, but no one seems to have noticed.

FOLLOW UP: I checked the Chicago Sun Times site and found an article saying that Chris Tucker was the featured black celebrity at this event.

Getting the Upper Hand

Ass Pennies

I miss the UCB.

Pardon me, there is a boot on my throat

Be careful what you take pictures of if you don't want to go to jail.

Fall into a slumber deep

This way


Method and device for interactive virtual control of sexual aids using digital computer networks*

Who needs Photoshop when you can use Paint?

No fewer than 17 different John Cusack films will be on Cable TV from 11/24 through 12/31 of this year.*

Jennifer Aniston nearly killed. Jim Carrey rescues her from being hit by falling crane.*

(links directly from, or inspired by(*), fark, metafilter, boingboing and b3ta)

A whole meal, 5 nickels

Take a visit to The Automat. Then check out the new book about the Automat.

Put a tree in your butt

Meet the folks who took Eddie Murphy's classic song, Boogie in Your Butt, a bit too literally at Rectal foreign bodies.

The x-rays are unbelievable.

I sure hope the camps are nice

Supreme Court Could End Miranda Warnings

On Nov. 28, 1997, Martinez, a farm worker, was riding his bicycle through a field where police were questioning a man suspected of selling drugs. The police ordered Martinez to stop. When an officer found a sheathed knife in his waistband, they scuffled and the officer's partner, perceiving that Martinez was reaching for the officer's gun, shot him five times, in the eyes, spine and legs.

{skip - Cop says he confessed, lawyer says it was coerced.}

``I am dying! ... What are you doing to me?'' Martinez is heard screaming on a recording of the persistent interrogation by police Sgt. Ben Chavez in Oxnard, a city of 182,000 about 60 miles northwest of Los Angeles.

``If you are going to die, tell me what happened,'' the officer said. He continued the questioning in an ambulance and an emergency room while Martinez pleaded for treatment. At times, he left the room to allow medical personnel to work, but he returned and continued pressing for answers.

No Miranda warning was given.

A ruling that minimizes defendants' rights would be useful to the Bush administration, which supports Oxnard's appeal, in its questioning of terrorism suspects, experts said.

The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals agreed with a federal judge that the confession was coerced and cannot be used as evidence against Martinez in his excessive-force civil case against the city. It said Chavez should have known that questioning a man who had been shot five times, was crying out for treatment and had been given no Miranda warning was a violation of his constitutional rights.

Oxnard appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court, which is scheduled to hear arguments in the case Wednesday.

The U.S. Justice Department filed a friend-of-the-court brief along with police organizations and the conservative Criminal Justice Legal Foundation contending that unfettered police questioning is allowable so long as the information obtained from a suspect is not used against that person in court.

Opponents of the government position say a ruling diluting the Miranda protections would be another nail in the coffin of individual rights sacrificed in the interest of rooting out terrorists.

``This is a case to be concerned about,'' said Charles Weisselberg, a University of California, Berkeley, law professor. ``To see the (U.S.) solicitor general arguing that there's no right to be free from coercive interrogation is pretty aggressive.''

How the Justice Department can even remotely link this case to terrorism lets me believe they are gonna be pulling a few more of these in the future.

Which right will they go after next?

Soon, the only one you will have is your right to remain fucked.

This has to stop

Children carrying 30+ pound backpacks

Jack Finch, principal at Chesapeake Elementary School in Lawrence County, Ohio, has weighed students� backpacks, he said. One little girl who weighed 40 pounds had to lean forward to manage her 26-pound backpack.

This is a great article, even though there is a comment by a chiropractor (charlatan!). It is unfathomable that kids have to carry books for all of their classes because there is not enough time to go to their lockers. There is also a list of what you can do to improve the situation from the American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons.

Lower back pain is supposed to be for us old folks, not kids.


Star Wars Deleted Scene

You'll shoot your eye out.

I am a big fan of A Christmas Story. We watched it a lot growing up. My favorite part is when his dad get the leg lamp. That cracks me up everytime I see the whole family react to it. It also showed me a tongue stuck to a frozen pole. You can't fake the terror that kid showed.

It was written and narrated by Jean Shepard, who is simply brilliant.

I just found out that there is a sequel! A Summer Story was made in 1995 and stars Charles Grodin and one of the Culkins. I am going to have to get a hold of that one.

I have had back surgeries and this site helps to distract me from the pain. When I am finding cool sites and ranting, I feel better.

Would acupuncture help with the symptoms of sciatica or would any other complementary medical solutions be worth considering?

I have found it helpful to do the stretching exercises my physical therapist recommends. Do some core strengthening exercises, such as the ones highlighted at The Mayo Clinic. By keeping your core strong, your back won't put itself in a position to cause that sciatica pain you are having.

This book, Back Pain: What You Need to Know (Johns Hopkins), is very good and inexpensive; regardless of what the review on amazon says.

Good luck and try to stay off the pills (unless you really, really need them!)

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i don't need holes through my nipples to be cool.

correlation does not translate into causality

"To say my country, right or wrong, is something no patriot would say except in dire emergency; it is like saying, 'my mother, drunk or sober.'" - G.K. Chesterton

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"... I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... in morse code..."