When students proudly graduate from the University for the Intellectually Challenged, they'll toss dunce caps in the air -- because it's the nation's first college exclusively for morons!
Harrison Jeder, a distinguished former Ivy League professor, founded the unique institution in Cambridge, Mass., after becoming disgusted at how top colleges compete for brainy high school students while closing their doors to dimwits.
"It's unfair and discriminatory to bar dumb people from higher education," Jeder argues.
"At the school I've founded, we turn down anyone with a C average or over. Those with SAT scores over 600 are also not admitted.
"Students must maintain a 1.5 GPA or below. If their average goes above that for more than a semester, they are expelled and directed to the nearest junior college, where mediocrity is welcome."
The curriculum at UIC will be specifically geared toward intellectual featherweights, with courses such as these:
"We'll be using a lot of visual aids, videos and props such as stuffed animals, and comparatively few books," Jeder reveals.
- Philosophy of the Ernest Movies.
- Is the Moon the Sun at Night? And Six Other Questions Answered: Astronomy 101.
- Anthropology, from Gilligan's Island to Survivor.
- How Girls Really Pee: Introduction to Sexual Reproduction.
- Big Words and When to Use Them.
- Geography of the Campus.