Oh, Blubber, Blubber, Blubber, I made it out of cake
The Discovery Health Channel is challenging people from across the country to participate in a 12-week nationwide event to lose weight, get fit for free and have the chance to be on TV. It's the Discovery Health National Body Challenge.
Participants who weigh in at Discovery Channel stores will receive:
A "Get Fit Kit," which includes a three-month FREE guest membership to Bally Total Fitness, a diet and fitness journal, special savings to Discovery Channel stores and more!
Useless but fun
The Onion is a repeat this week, so why don't you just
Copy and paste this into your browser address bar:
and save the picture. You should be able to figure out the syntax. You can also include it in the img tag.
From The Cheese Pizza Phenomana
Here's something I'm sure many people have seen, though never noticed. Whenver there's a pizza party, be it at work, or whereever, people go crazy with the ordering. They never order the things they'd get at home, they always get a bunch of super-meat, and super-vegatable, and then like one pepporoni and one cheese pizza.
And then the first five people snag all the pepporini and cheese...
This happens way too much for my liking.
(Link from Z-Blog, which also has some very astute observations about software development.)
(a classic entry from January 2003.)
From the Olden Days
|Too paranoid to vote. Frequently mouths off with convoluted theories about the Masons, the Illuminati, and the Trilateralists, but nobody can understand him due to his speech impediment.|
The Politics of Cartoon Characters, a net classic from 1996.
There are a lot of sites, mine included, that go ape every time someone scans in some old magazine ads.
During the XMAS gift giving frenzy, I was fortunate enough to receive two books with over 900 pages of classic ads in each.
Now, what could be better for us closeted advertising executives? Leafing through these weighty tomes while listening to classic mid-century mood music. I was also privileged to receive several great CD's of production music. This is what you would have heard while watching promotional/industrial films of the time (you can even hear some of these on TV shows like The Simpsons.) Having horns and a chorus of "bah-bah-bah-bah" playing while reading these books made me incredibly happy.
If this kind of thing is your thing, I cannot stress enough that you buy these now. I guarantee it!
I got what I wanted, did you?
It's just really fascinating news, folks.
I have a mini fridge, but it only holds a six pack and a sandwich. I will gladly forego the food, if I can have my own personal vending machine.
1. Personal beverage vendor/main unit
The main refrigerated unit is equipped with four storage bins that combine to store up to 66 cans or 33 bottles. The main unit is designed to complement your customized display panels.
2. Beverage Shelf
The top front area on the personal beverage vendor is designed to hold beverage containers.
3. SkyBase stand
Your SkyBase stand safely supports your fully stocked personal beverage vendor. It also offers additional room temperature storage space and includes a shelf. The SkyBase stand is sold separately.
4. Power cord
The power cord is designed to operate on a normal 120VAC, 15 amp, 60 cycle line. For your safety, it is equipped with a grounded, 3-prong plug.
5. Customized display graphics
Show off your true colors with interchangeable front and side graphics. Unlike your old fridge, the front graphic illuminates just like commercial vending machines. As each new sports season begins, change out your graphics with a new logo.
6. Beverage selection buttons
Insert beverage cards for your favorite beverages, and press the buttons to serve yourself and your guests. Unlike industrial vending machines, the SkyBox personal beverage vendor operates without coins or dollar bills.
7. Interchangeable beverage cards
Your SkyBox personal beverage vendor is packaged with 20 beverage cards featuring the top beverages. The beverage buttons carefully pull forward and up, allowing you to insert any card you choose. You can also order additional brands or replacement cards online.
8. Auto-off sensor
For safety purposes, any time the door to the refrigerated main unit is opened, the unit will not vend.
9. Low-indicator light
Avoid being caught with warm drinks. When your beverage bins get low (3 bottles or 6 cans remaining), the low-indicator light will illuminate above the beverage button to signify that its time to restock.
The specially designed SkyBox personal beverage vendor beverage dispenser smoothly delivers your beverages with little shaking or jostling. That means less foaming when you open your cans or bottles. Be aware that warm beverages are more likely to fizz. Cool beverages prior to dispensing.
11. Jam detector
In the unlikely event that your unit experiences a jam, the low-indicator lights will flash to identify the problem. Turn the unit off and unplug the power cord before opening the unit to inspect for jams.
12. Child lock-out
For the safety of children or to control curious pets, your SkyBox personal beverage vendor is equipped with a child lock-out feature. Lock individual beverage options or lock them all with an easy flip of a switch.
13. Main unit door keylock
Store your beverages securely by locking the door to your main unit using the keyhole on the right side of the main unit.
Healing Back Pain Naturally: The Mind-Body Program Proven to Work
Dr. Art Brownstein suffered back pain for twenty agonizing years. Now he shares the cure that worked for him and thousands of others: his revolutionary Back to Life Program.
Sharing his own story of surgery, painkiller dependency, and severe depression, Dr. Brownstein guides you through the recovery program that gave him his life back. Today, he runs a medical practice, bikes, surfboards, teaches yoga, and leads an active life -- free of pain!
Why not call it The Raft?
The Freedom Ship.
Get a new desktop
How big was your Christmas bonus this year?
Republic: The Revolution is a newish game for PC where you take on the role of a political faction leader in a breakaway republic of the USSR. After playing for about an hour, I found myself with the same feeling I had upon playing MYST for the first time. This game is not about looking for some damn dirty hippie, though. But it does have that same "This is totally new" vibe to it.
It strives to be a full-on 3D simulation of what it takes to get power. Complete with speechifying in the public square, converting the local townsfolk and putting a baseball bat beatdown on those who get in your way.
So far, it is pretty hard and I have actually had to read the manual (all 50+ pages of it). If you are looking for a game that will challenge you or if you are one of those people that really loves the micromanagement of the Sim City series, give this one a shot. It is heavily discounted in most stores and gogamer.com has it for $17.90.
My old hometown newspaper is rerunning a funny column about how cats can see things that just aren't there.
(found at fark)
Tim Burton and his Tragic Toys for Girls & Boys.
(via grow a brain)
True Cost of Christmas
Each year since 1984, PNC Advisors has provided a tongue-in-cheek economic analysis, based on the cost of the goods and services purchased by the True Love in the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas.
Saddam wishes he had one of these
A tri-level house that sits on top of a camouflaged 4-story deep Subterranean Fortress designed to handle virtually any disaster.
(found at weird links)
When students proudly graduate from the University for the Intellectually Challenged, they'll toss dunce caps in the air -- because it's the nation's first college exclusively for morons!
Harrison Jeder, a distinguished former Ivy League professor, founded the unique institution in Cambridge, Mass., after becoming disgusted at how top colleges compete for brainy high school students while closing their doors to dimwits.
"It's unfair and discriminatory to bar dumb people from higher education," Jeder argues.
"At the school I've founded, we turn down anyone with a C average or over. Those with SAT scores over 600 are also not admitted.
"Students must maintain a 1.5 GPA or below. If their average goes above that for more than a semester, they are expelled and directed to the nearest junior college, where mediocrity is welcome."
The curriculum at UIC will be specifically geared toward intellectual featherweights, with courses such as these:
"We'll be using a lot of visual aids, videos and props such as stuffed animals, and comparatively few books," Jeder reveals.
- Philosophy of the Ernest Movies.
- Is the Moon the Sun at Night? And Six Other Questions Answered: Astronomy 101.
- Anthropology, from Gilligan's Island to Survivor.
- How Girls Really Pee: Introduction to Sexual Reproduction.
- Big Words and When to Use Them.
- Geography of the Campus.
alert and unresponsive
ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS
- She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
- On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
- The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
- Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
Pacman and Space Invaders for Excel.
That's right. Programmed in VBA.
Molecules with Silly or Unusual Names
(Rerun from April 2003)
This month's Official Playstation Magazine included a demo DVD that had heavy hitters like SOCOM II and Madden 2004. The game that was the most fun, however, was Disney's Extreme Skate Adventure. It is also available for the GameCube, GBA and XBox.
If you have ever played any of the Tony Hawk Pro Skater games, you will recognize the gameplay right away. The demo level of Andy's Room when playing as Buzz is excellent. Having to do a trick to get the Army Men released from a locked chest was a nice challenge.
The game is suitable for children and for us slower reflexed adults. I strongly recommend this as a quality holiday gift. Any of the above links will allow you to buy the game for only $29.99. That is 40% off the list price. A nice deal, if you ask me.
This is why my generation did so many drugs
Another piece of your past is up for auction at shopgoodwill.com. The busy box, as pictured above, complete with original box is only $5. Also comes with a Jack in the box. As always, besides getting something cool, you get to help a worthy cause.
58008, just like girls got
Words you can spell on your calculator.
Such expensive flowers, filled with remorse
A few things:
The San Francisco book I linked to on the first ended up going for $34.00. I think that shopgoodwill.com does such a good job maximizing the amount of money it gets for other people's castoffs. Seriously.
The Simpsons episode from last night, "Today I Am a Clown," is one of their funniest in quite a long time. I have already watched it twice and I know I still haven't caught all of the jokes. This really gives me hope that Fonzie is backing the bike off of the ramp.
And, after years of struggle and awkwardness, I have been declared normal. Yes, folks, late last week my Tivo auto-recorded "Wheel of Fortune" as a show that it thought I might like to see. I didn't watch it, of course. But I was certainly flattered by the sentiment.
Please don't buy one of these
I just saw the commercial for this thing. It is an actual air guitar. It shows kids happily prancing down the street to the obvious delight of all around them. The promotional material says "Your young musician will thrill at what they can do with these magic gloves. They can play alone or with others."
The wonderfully named "Hand Band" will not do any of the above. The noise created by the device would more likely cause running and screaming. I would wager that unless your child goes to school on the short bus, they will be doing this alone. The only purpose I can see for this thing is to create a new generation of super mimes that add grating electronic sounds to their performances.
Please, if you don't want your child to hate you forever, do not buy this for them. At nearly $100, this would likely be the "big present" for a lot of households. Don't squander it on this monstrosity.
A nice cake is waiting for you
From a hilarious memo attributed to Wal-Mart management:
In recent weeks we have had associates clog the toilet bowls with nearly a whole roll of toilet tissue, urinate on the floor and walls, smear human waste on the walls and leave human waste on the floor or in receptacles not meant for waste. One day an associate left a nose taped to the stall that read "A nice cake is waiting for you." Inside the stall was a mound of waste left on top of the toilet. For a few days we tried to leave the restrooms open whlle the custodial associates were cleaning. We had several incidents where the custodial associates were shown disrespect. One associate used the urinal right next to where the custodian was cleaning and sprayed urine on the custodial associate�s arm.
So that's what they are
Seeing spots? Do little squiggly things pass through your vision when you look at a white wall? Little flashes of silver light in your eyes when you move your head?
The Floater Web can help.
Vintage Supermarket Photos
Fall into a slumber deep
This is�the story of a clown.
Who you'd never see wearing a frown.
And while he looks so fun with makeup on,
I absolutely fear him�
Before there were bums
Shopgoodwill.com is auctioning off this:
This is a 9x7� rope held paper book is from Curtiss & Welch 1901. There are 30 tipped in photogravures of San Francisco, including the Palace Hotel, Market Street,Opium Den and the Ferry Building. The cover is water stained and fragile. An interesting piece of S.F. History. There are for unknown reason inscriptions throughout saying 1852.
Please join me in the bidding war.
Update 12/2 --- 4 bidders have put this up to $16.58. Help out a good cause and get a spiffy piece of history.
i don't need holes through my nipples to be cool.
correlation does not translate into causality
"To say my country, right or wrong, is something no patriot would say except in dire emergency; it is like saying, 'my mother, drunk or sober.'" - G.K. Chesterton